Friday 10/18

Today my surgery schedule was changed because of the change in plastic surgeons, so it is now set for Monday, Nov. 7th at 12 pm.  I still have my second opinion this Thursday.  I seem to do quite well with everything for a decent block of time, and then I feel like it all hits me with another wave of emotion.  I find myself grieving tonight, dreading the permanent loss and scarring of my body.  All through my Zumba class, I kept thinking- I wonder how it's going to feel when I do this, or this, or this?  I worry that I will never be back to where I am right now.  And while I am so grateful to not feel sick at all, I think it's going to be more difficult to cope with such a big surgery and reconstruction period because of that.  It all feels very surreal.  Hopefully this wave has crashed and I will wake up feeling strong again.