Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone!  I hope you have all had a fun day.  I haven't updated in a while, so I just wanted to let you all know how I am doing.  I have three days left of work before starting my medical leave on Friday.  I also have three Zumba classes left-that's the hard one because I have no idea how long it's going to be until I can return to high impact classes or if it will ever feel the same to shake it asymmetrically!  It's a catch 22 because I am thankful to have such wonderful and amazing women that are waiting for me to get back to teaching, but I am trying to not feel too much pressure at the same time.  Anyway, I had a final appointment with my surgeon last Thursday to finalize just doing the right-sided mastectomy and it went very well.  I stopped by the breast boutique at the St. Vincent's breast center to get a post-mastectomy camisole that has pockets inside for the drains and such.  That was a reality check, but I was happy that at least I wasn't shopping for a wig.  I have my final appointment with the plastic surgeon on Friday to do pre-surgical markings, and then I am expected to be at St. Vincent's at 11 am on Monday.  I am still getting surprises, cards, and presents daily and it really makes a difference feeling so much love and support, so thank you to each and every one of you!

More thank yous- Sunday 10/23

I wanted to say thank you to more people for their generous gifts- my Kohl's gift certificate, beads of courage, prayer shawl, cards, and especially for the prayers and kind words.  I am in a holding patter now until Friday before my surgery when I have some pre-surgery appointments.  I will be using the time to prepare for my leave at work and to get things organized at home.  I will keep needing encouragement because I know the closer I get to surgery, the harder it's going to be.

Second Opinion 10/20/11

I had my second opinion today with Dr. Schmidt who is a surgical breast oncologist.  I am so impressed with the level of medical care this city has to offer.  I felt that I was completely looked at on an individual basis with so much kindness and respect.  Dr. Schmidt told me that if I had to be 34 and have cancer, I am close to the best-case scenario in respects to the details of my tumor and disease.  He told me that I have less than an 10% chance of needing chemo after my surgery.  He also said that while doing a bilateral mastectomy would be completely reasonable in my case, that he would recommend just doing a mastectomy on my right side for several reasons.  I was very encouraged because he also said that I was in great hands with my current surgeon and plastic surgeon.  Again, good news is relative anymore, but I heard a lot of relative good news today!  

Friday 10/18

Today my surgery schedule was changed because of the change in plastic surgeons, so it is now set for Monday, Nov. 7th at 12 pm.  I still have my second opinion this Thursday.  I seem to do quite well with everything for a decent block of time, and then I feel like it all hits me with another wave of emotion.  I find myself grieving tonight, dreading the permanent loss and scarring of my body.  All through my Zumba class, I kept thinking- I wonder how it's going to feel when I do this, or this, or this?  I worry that I will never be back to where I am right now.  And while I am so grateful to not feel sick at all, I think it's going to be more difficult to cope with such a big surgery and reconstruction period because of that.  It all feels very surreal.  Hopefully this wave has crashed and I will wake up feeling strong again.

Plastic surgery consult Monday 10/17

My plastic surgery consult went well today, much better than I expected and I felt much more hopeful afterwards about the results.  The doctor spent over an hour talking with us about the different techniques used,  the pros and cons of each, and showing us pictures of patient results.  I am not going to make any decisions until after my second breast surgery consult, but I feel that no matter what happens surgically, I can expect quite reasonable replacements.

Appointment changes

I only have a minute to write before I have to leave for my first plastic surgery consult, but I wanted to vent my frustration.  My 2nd plastic surgery consult got changed today from this Friday to next Thursday, Oct. 27th.  I was so frustrated on the phone when the sickening-sweet receptionist was trying to make my new consult appointment AFTER my already scheduled surgery date.  She was like "I'm sorry, unfortunately she is really booked up" when I asked to make it during my fall break so I don't have to keep missing work for all of these appointments.  I just wanted to say, "Well, unfortunately, I have breast cancer.  I am not coming to you for liposuction or an eyebrow lift."  Why do I always come up with good come backs after the fact?!

Consults out the wazoo next week -Friday 10/14

After reading all kinds of research and position papers, Ryan and I decided to go ahead and get a second opinion just to make sure we are making the best surgical decision possible.  So we have the appointment Thursday for that- that makes two plastic surgery consults and a second breast surgeon consult next week plus the boys have their check-ups on Tuesday!  Don't you love doctor's office waiting rooms?  Good thing I already got my flu shot!  I am going to have all of my insurance information memorized by the end of this week.
So my frustration for today is research.  It's so hard to try to find statistics for a specific situation, and even then, I feel like statistics have failed me once so I have a hard time believing them.  I did a very detailed breast cancer risk assessment tool before I was diagnosed and according to the results,  I had a 99.8% chance of not getting breast cancer this year.  I guess I feel that if nothing can explain me getting breast cancer this time, what's to prevent it from recurring?  I think next week will be very interesting, and I only hope that I come out of next week with more answers than questions.